On page 166 of Marilynne Robinson's Housekeeping, Ruth says, "I hated waiting. If I had one particular complaint, it was that my life seemed composed entirely of expectation."
This quote definitely resonates with me, as a senior, quickly
approaching graduation. I literally don't know where I will be next year and this definitely made me think about how shortsighted teenagers are. Applying for college is like 30% work 70%
waiting. First, you wait for common app to open. Then, you wait for the
supplements. Then, you wait for the deadlines. Then to do the FAFSA and
then acceptances, then aid packages and then May 1. But even after you
wait all summer to finally go to college, you're still only in a holding
period. College passes quickly and you still haven't found a stable
position.
Sometimes the lack of stability annoys me and I
just want to fast forward to where I go to the same job everyday and
come home to the same people in the same house. The waiting is a little
anxious. At times, I just want to know how everything is going to turn
out. At this point, things that seem like a big deal will end up having no effect on my life and it's hard to gauge which decisions I make now will have a lasting effect. With all this waiting for all of the work to pay off, it's easy to idealize the stability of adult life.
On the other hand, adult life could seem boringly stagnate. Being with the same people and doing the same work everyday could be just as uncomfortable as not knowing where you'll be in a few months. Stability can be seen as a comfort or a cage.
Maybe this is why Sylvie acts so childishly. She prefers the inconsistency of youth to the constancy of adulthood.
This post starts to get at some of the reasons that, for all its apparent discomforts, Sylvie's way of life seems more "free" than the more "settled" mode that most of us opt for. While most of us are organizing our moments around fending off or preparing for some anticipated future (and the waiting you describe is a part of this), Sylvie "inhabits a millennial present." Where most of us would be impatient beyond tolerance at a train crawling through snowy mountains (a "delay," which means waiting and waiting and waiting), Sylvie experiences it as a pleasant diversion.
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